All Alone

That is what I am right now.  And it is awesome.  Aside from the distant cars and chirping birds the only other sound is the tapping of my fingertips on the wonky key board.  Only I am not really completely alone as my ever constant companion Summer, the rainbow lorikeet is with me.

It is nearly Monday lunch time.  One I am eagerly anticipating.  It is rice with Moroccan  lamb and a few vegies.  I cooked it yesterday in a bid to start the week feeling organised.  Trying to make as much as I can matter.  It is all still so hit and miss.  As is much of my life.  Which like everything is both good and bad.

Those of you who are regulars at A Parenting Life have probably noticed a fair bit of poor bugger me over there and I do apologise for that.  Just one of those things I seem to go through when I can't actually think of anything else to write.  Fingers crossed though from here on in ideas will start to flow.

Here I am complaining that despite clearly being a somewhat talented writer I have not yet hit the big time (whatever that may be).  Yet I fail to mention that if I actually stop and think about the level of current readership I am experiencing is rather great considering the effort I put in.

You see for all my oh boo who why aren't I a famous writer yet? I do actually already know the answer.  I have never really and truly given it a go.  Sure I managed to, on one occasion, spit out a very rough bit of fiction, but that was years ago now and subsequent efforts have been way less successful.

Anyway that's enough of that for now.  Did I mention I was alone?  Peace and quiet surrounds and I just don't know what to do first.  There are so many things to chose from.  I have a heap of post ideas I want to jot down, plus I have decided to try writing actual To Do Lists with daily, weekly and monthly targets.

I need to grab hold of time and hold it with two hands

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 For it is more than just precious

Totally not making time to make anything matter

As you may have picked up in my last post, I have been unwell the last few days.  Not the keel over and die kind of sick, just the wish you could sit down and rest.  For a rather long time.  I must admit I did spend a whole day in bed, right at the onset of it all in a bid to ward it off.  Clearly I had little success in keeping it at bay but I am sure my self imposed bed rest did ease the severity of it all.

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Oh and for the record that was probably the first time in over two years that I actually called in sick if you will.  The last time I can actually remember just lazing around in bed was when I was about 36 weeks pregnant with Miss T and fighting a kidney infection.  I think I actually spread that one out to nearly three days as the risk of early labour was apparently high.

Regardless of all that though, it has meant the last week has pretty much been a total failure in terms of making things matter.  In fact quite frankly the only thing that has mattered to me in the last seven days is the distance between me and a box of tissues.  The amount of snotty mucus that has exited my body has been nothing short of amazing.

Thankfully though I feel it is now safe to say that I am over the worst of it.  If anything I am actually at the best of it now.  You see the path of the last week has not been unfamiliar to me.  It is one that I have walked many a time and expect to see many more a time in years to come.

There weather here is changing.  The rain has all but gone and the next six months will be nothing but blue skies and sunshine.  Which is nice.  In it's on dry type of way.  Not quite as exciting as watching big black thunderous clouds roll on in each afternoon but great for getting outdoors and doing things.  Things that normally no one wants to do because it is so bloody hot.

Unfortunately though the first few weeks of this beautiful change leave me a bit sneezy and snotty.  Which in turn leaves me wishing I had share in a tissue company.  However after around day five my nose seems to adjust to the dry air.  At this point my voice disappears leaving me with a husky porn star style voice.  Which I love.

If it weren't so late I would possibly consider a bit of a vlog to give you a demo but I have been sitting here for way to long so I am sure I am more than a sight for sore eyes.  Plus nearly midnight when you have been unwell is not a great time to try something new and possibly complicated.

Now where was I?

Oh that's right trying to justify why I have been too busy to make things matter.

I am meant to be writing a fitness post to join in with Kate's Fitness Friday.  She has a bit of a cool give away going and one of the ways to win was by posting a few posts.  I have one more to get done and only a day or to to do it in.  Thankfully there is also a random draw chance so if the post never eventuates I still have a chance.  You can enter here if you want, or not, better odds for me if you don't but totally cool prize so I won't hold it against you if you do enter.

Since this didn't eventuate into the fitness post it was supposed to I did think that I would share some background info on today's post over at APL  I actually wrote it in February last year.  I was searching through my document folder earlier this evening when I stumbled across it.  I really can't get over how it feels like something that I could have pretty much written last week.  Really makes me wonder about my life and what I am doing.

Or not doing.

I will not beat myself up about what has been and done

Instead I will reflect and renew.  Each day that comes is a new beginning and brings with it new hope.  I shall embrace that hope and move towards a brighter future.  One where I make the best of all that I have.  Each moment will matter and each day will count.

Joining in with Diary of SAHM's

What Matters When You Are Sick?

Restlessly rolling in bed unable to get comfortable I can't even be bothered to change the channel on the television. It is really only on as a background noise so it doesn't really matter. I have never really been much of a TV fan at the best of times, day time reruns are certainly not even close to the best of times.

So what brings me to having both the time and opportunity to roll restlessly around on my bed well after 9am?

A blocked nose and a bit of a head cold. Possibly a bit of hay fever brought about by the change in season. I am not really too sure. I do know it is nothing too serious I just needed a day in bed.

Yesterday would have been better for a day of rest but since it was Miss Eleven's birthday I soldiered on. Today though it feels like I have been hit with a bad case of man flu.  Man Flu (which you are probably all ready aware of) is much worse than an ordinary flu that mums normally get.  Man Flu leaves renders you useless and restricts you to the confines of your bed where you can do nothing.  Absolutely nothing.

It can also make you prone to endless complaining, whinging and whining about how terrible you feel.  Since I am on the verge of losing my voice though I will probably not get into that too much.  Plus I am not really sure anyone would really listen to me.

Mind you I am so thankful that Mr Awesome was able to come home for the day to take care of me I don't really feel like it would be fair for me to complain too much. You see it is not just myself who is feeling less than human. Miss Not Quite Six is also home from school and appears to be heading down a similar road to myself.  Only she has wisely opted for movie watching rather than leaving herself open to the perils of day time drama.  The baby also appears to have green stuff pouring out of her left nostril.

Anyway as I lay here, eyes burning from trying to stare at the tiny screen on my phone so I can at least whinge here and save what is left of my voice I can't help but think of all the things that are meant to matter to me during the week.

You know things like doing the umpteen loads of washing that are inevitably laying around and only growing bigger because they are being ignored for the day.  The leaning towers of dishes that will be multiplying around the kitchen sink.  The thousand other little jobs that need doing to keep a family home in tip top shape.

In order for me to lay here and rest I have to keep telling myself that none of that really matters.  Today is my only chance to rest and do absolutely nothing.  Tomorrow Mr Awesome won't be able to have the day off and take care of things.  In fact I was surprised he was able to do so today.  When I called him this morning to have a quick whine about how crap I was felling I nearly fell over when his first response was to offer to come home.  It warms my heart to know he knows what matters.

Of course in many ways it is in his best interest to let me rest now rather than struggle through for a few more days and then need even more rest later.  But what really matters is that he gave me the chance to rest now.

With all this resting time though my mind can't help but wander, which is what brought me here.  (After all what else does a blogger do when faced with a day in bed?)

If sickness was a part of our everyday life, what would matter then?  Sure all the jobs still need to be done but would they matter more or less than what they do now?  I had actually planned on some thought provoking post on what would matter if sickness was a part of our everyday life.  My addled Man Flu brain didn't quite come to the party though.  I am so eternally grateful though that to date it has not been a curve ball thrown at us.  I hope it never is and my heart goes out to the many who do juggle with it.

-fairy wishes and butterfly kisses

Getting Back in the Groove

Last week when I joined in Kate's Fitness Friday, I spoke of how I thought I had learnt the importance of making regular matter.  After the build up to Easter, birthday parties and putting children on a plane. exercising, which at the moment is running, had failed to place on the things that gone done list.  When I finally got round to it, it hurt.

Like really hurt.

Thankfully I had the good sense to push through and am now happy to say that my lost week has been recovered.  Sadly it was not replaced by fitter and faster but at least I am now feel at the level I was before I stupidly stopped making time to run.

You see when that happens it is not just my fitness levels that suffer.  Everything about everything seemed to make me feel crappy.  I felt like I was stuck in funk.  I was moody and grumpy and easily irritated.  The children drove me up the wall and I had the patience of lion with a sore paw.  The worst part was I didn't even know why.

One of the things I have discovered while running is that I really enjoy it.  Even though it is hard and takes a lot of effort, I still love it.  To the point that if I don't run I start to miss it.

The reason why I think I enjoy it is because it makes me feel so good about myself, and in so many different ways.
It makes me stronger and fitter, which then makes me feel like I am able to take on so much more.  
I feel a new confidence in my appearance .  For the first time in I don't know how long I actually looked at a photo of myself without cringing.

Not only that but I have also found one I like to look at.

Ok so maybe I cringe a little be at the winking eye...but only a little ;)

It is not just a confidence in my appearance that has grown either.  When I think about what I have achieved in these few short weeks I have the confidence to think I can take on a whole range of new challenges.  I know that it won't be long till I know I'll be able to successfully tackle the BootCamp App I got a while back.

I also love that it gets me out in the fresh air.  I love being out in the fresh air.  Feeling the wind on my face reminds me that I am alive.  Feeling the sweat drip down and sting my eyes reminds me that I am alive and living somewhere hot and sticky.  I like that.  It makes the running even tougher.  Which it turn makes me tougher for pushing through it and getting out there.

Only having said that today was a running day and I didn't run.  I slept in and then decided the afternoon was too hot!  Weak excuse I know.  Deep down though I think my body will be more thankful for the extra rest day this time round.  I will make up for it tomorrow though, I promise.  

Which sort of works out quite well because then my next running day will be Wednesday.  If I had of run today my next running day would have been Tuesday which just would not have worked as Miss Soon to be Eleven will actually be eleven.

With the return of school I would like to think we might be able to not need to rely on the car to get about all the time.  School is anywhere from 3.6 - 4.2km's away (depending on the route), which is roughly only a 35 min journey at my current fitness levels.  I haven't actually run that far yet, but that is not to say I haven't done the distance.  I just haven't run the entire way.  I am thinking of this option more in terms of bike riding on one of my non running days.  Ideally though one day I would love to run while they ride!

There is only one problem to all of this though.  Miss Nearly Six is still on training wheels.  Prior experience has taught me such distances are no good with training wheels.

While Miss Nearly Six has scooted such distances before I am not sure that doing this with her school bag is really such a great idea.  Especially on the way home.  School wears her out as it is.  Chucking the two little ones in the bike trailer is always an option I guess but that is a fair bit of weight for me to drag around (all the more workout I guess).

As soon as Miss Nearly Six can conquer the two wheeler (which is any day now I hope) she should be right to pedal her way which is my preferred option  Children are never to young to learn how great it feels to be fit.  It is all on bike paths and very safe.  There are a few large roads but they are generally not too much of an issue.  The girls know where to stop and wait if they are in the lead.  This way it provides a nice drinks break as well.

All in good time though.

Now I know once again it is not Friday any more but I am still going to be joining in Fitness Friday Blog Hop over at Kate Says Stuff, who just happens to be giving away some very cool Blackmores Packs.  All the more reason to check her out.

Thankful Thursday - A Haiku

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There are many things

that I give my thanks to

each and every day.

A little smile here,

a great big laugh there.

All the ways you care.

I am thankful for

the weather that will come with  

the changing seasons.

Cool sunny days,

no more hot steamy haze,

or endless raining.

I am thankful for

lots of school holiday fun

I want it not to end.

I am thankful for

the chance to share

all the love life has

Joining this slightly dodgy haiku thanks with the lovely Kate

Getting Priorities Sorted

Over the last week I have spent a great deal of time thinking about what it is that matters.  Sometimes I find it actually ends up being more of a case of what matters most.  Which unfortunately is sometimes easier said than done.

Here's what I mean.

Having a clean and tidy kitchen area matters.  When the kitchen is clean and tidy and I more likely to prepare yummy and nutritious food for those that I love.

Having fun and enjoying time with my beautiful little family matters.  Creating memories that we can all look back at fondly, matters.  We only get one chance at this thing called life and I really want to make sure I make the most of it, and encourage my girls to do the same.

Of course sometimes, actually more times than not, the kitchen cleaning thing doesn't seem to matter as much as the making memories thing.  Only it needs to.

There is something particularly nice about coming downstairs at stupid o'clock in the morning and being able to make coffee while still half asleep without battling through the leaning towers of dishes.  Not to mention the advantages of not having to wash cups before using them.  Orderly kitchens matter.

The worst part of all of this is that the kitchen part could be easily exchanged for washing.  Staying on top of the washing matters.  Staying on top of the washing means that you only have to do a little bit each and every day.  Rather than dedicate the first day of the school holidays to washing school uniforms and fifty thousand pairs of knickers.  Seriously I can do a whole load some days of nothing but odd socks and knickers.

Mind you there are a thousand other little jobs around here that I regularly need to make matter and often don't.  All under the guise of spending time with the family.  For the most part that is true but then there are times like now.  When I am trying my very best to make writing matter more than anything else.  There are mountains of dishes waiting patiently for my attention.

It all come's down to priorities 

Not always something I have done well with, but certainly something that needs to matter.  It can be hard at times working out what needs to matter the most.   As I am currently discovering.

Only when I stop and think about some of the things Eden must have seen lately I wonder what really matters after all?

What's that? You haven't heard of Eden and her World Vision Journey to Niger?  Now that is stuff that really matters.

Eden is doing something that will make a difference.  In fact it has already made a difference.  People have sponsored a child because of Eden.  How. Awesome. Is. That?  World Vision will be able to use that money to truly make a difference to somebodies life.

I sit here moaning about my dirty dishes and having to clean the kitchen or wash some clean clothes and there are people over there that barely have enough water to drink.  What needs to matter now?

Joining in with all the lovely #IBOT posts over at Diary of a SAHM

Why Regular Matters

You may have heard me mention once or twice that running is one of my main things to make matter at the moment. Well at least it was until about five days ago.

Up until then I had been rather proud of the fact that I could say I went for some sort of a run every other day. In fact on some levels it may even have been possible to say that I was even bragging about my new found ability to run.  After hitting the month mark and fast approaching the end of month number two I am sad to say I fear I may have let myself get just a little too over confident.

Thinking I had it all in the bag and this running thing was a sure thing I started to let it not matter quite some much.  Where once I was not letting excuses be an option, they now seem to have somehow crept in and I am not sure how to get them to leave.  There is a very slight chance that some of these excuses are in fact valid reasons but I just don't want to let either of them in.  I have no room for excuses or weak reasons.

People who make excuses get no where.  Fast.  Real fast. 

I have spent too many years of my life making excuses as opposed to making the time.  From here on in all I want to be doing is making the time to make things matter.  Things like running, that are good for me, in oh so many ways, they need to matter.  I need to make the time to make it matter.  On a regular (like every other day regular) basis.

Today was the day I once again stopped making excuses and instead made some time.  Today I paid a price and learnt a lesson.  Thankfully neither of which have been too high, but instead just enough to wake me up.

When I started this program way back on the 18th of February, I was short on breath and struggled to complete the thirty second running intervals.  I only managed to go 2.96 km at a pace of 10:07/km.  Since then however I have managed to get to as far as 4.47km wish a pace as fast as 7:20/km.  I have even managed to do a whole kilometer in a little over six and a half minutes.

Today was the first day I have not been able to complete a session.  I guess technically I did complete the session in that I was active for the full thirty minutes but I was by no means running anywhere near as much as I was meant to be.  I still told my little program that I had done it because that was the only way I could work out how to save the time so I could beat it tomorrow.

Today was the first day (since the actual first day) that I really struggled.  And when I say struggled I mean nearly broke me and hurt like hell.

The one that woke me up

Today felt like the very first day all over again.  Only this time much worse.

When I did the first day all those weeks ago I had no idea what I was capable of.  In fact back then I would scroll forward through the weeks and cringe at what was still to come.  I wondered how I would ever get through it all.  I stopped wondering though and just got one with it.

Now however I know what I am capable of.  I know that I can do this.  Even if it means doing a few days more than once and taking a little longer than originally planned.  I know I can do this.  I just need to make sure I keep making the time to make it matter.

One of the things I have loved most about training to run is the way I have felt stronger.  Each and every time I get out there I feel stronger than the time before.   I know that I can go just a little bit harder and faster than before.  Today was the complete opposite of that and I hated it.

When the friendly voice chimed into to say 'you are half way done' I just wanted to scream halfway done?!?!? I am more than halfway done buddy I am well and truly done and dusted call the ambulance to take me home.  Instead I tried to remind myself that it was the middle of the afternoon of a rather hot day and even though I was adequately fueled from brunch and chocolate maybe today wasn't the best day to try a full nine minute run.

For now though it looks like I will return to the previous week so that I can ease myself back into the rhythm of it all.  After all there is no deadline I just need to keep at it.  Hopefully before long this will all have been seamlessly integrated into my lifestyle and I will proudly be able to call myself a regular runner.

I have decided to join this post in with the blog hop hosted by the lovely Kate Says Stuff and Mummy Smiles  Check some of the other great fitness posts for this week

Settling In

Sunday afternoons are all about family.  Well at least to me they are.  It is a time to stop and just be with family.   In my ideal world Sundays are lazy and rewarding.  A time when all the work is out the way and you are just casually waiting for the next week to begin.  Allowing for the opportunity to plan and positively move forward.

Lately my Sundays have been far from this.

Actually lately any of my days are far from this.  I know that with Easter, birthdays, school holidays and a change of weather life has been rather hectic to say the least.  When I started this blog last week I was certain that I had posts lined up for the following days.  

Spurred by inspirational women I incorrectly thought I would be able to create my own inspiration.  I had plans for sailing through the week creating good and helping the sad.  Instead all I really managed to do was not drown in the swirling waters I at times found myself in.  Which I guess in some ways could possibly be seen as not such a bad thing but it wasn't exactly what I was aiming for.

Thankfully I am not one to beat myself up (too much) so I know that I should just look at all the things I did manage to navigate through and be successful at.  They might not have been award winning but at least I made the time to get a few posts out.  It might only have been a chapter or two of my book but at least it was a chapter or two and not just a page or nothing at all.  

Small steps are better than no steps.

There is not an instance where that statement doesn't ring true.  And if there is I can't think of one.  If you can please share.

One of the things that I struggle with most is looking at (or sometimes for) the bigger picture.  I tend to think of it like a jigsaw puzzle.  Where all the pieces are made up of lots of little things.  

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All of which matter.  

It can be hard at times working out what pieces go where and which ones need to matter more than others.  Made only trickier by the fact that some will need to matter the same but one must be done before the other.  Just one of life's many juggling actors I guess.

As Sunday afternoon is quickly fading and Sunday evening approaches I am still not exactly sure what to make matter most this weekend.  My running has been non existent for too many days to count (which is probably only four but that is over half a week you know)  To make up for it I am just about to head out for on now.  I also hope to get a bit more reading done.  Since it is school holidays I am pretty much in ultra relaxation mode.

If this is your first time here please make sure you sign up to stay in touch, either via email or RSS feed the old GFC.  I will eventually get to Networked Blogs bug I am just a bit time poor at the moment.  Thanks to those who have already signed up and I assure you there will be awesomeness abound.

One Step At A Time

That is what I keep saying to myself when I run.  One step at a time.  Left foot.  Right foot.  Left foot.  Right... I am sure you get the picture.

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Yeah sorta like that but not really as fast

Running has never been something I have excelled at.  Which with a desire to be an attacker in sports such as hockey and soccer never really worked in my favour.  Even now I can clearly recall chilly Saturday mornings gasping for breath as I chased after some silly ball trying to get it between the posts and in the nets.  As much as I loved playing and scoring I couldn't quite get my head around all the running that it entailed.

Soon after that I discovered that sleeping in on a Saturday was also a bit fun and not nearly as much hard work.  It also came with the added bonus of blankets which in the middle of our tropical winter was still more appealing than actually running in the cold morning air.

Over the years however I have always been slightly envious of those crazy people that seem to enjoy running along the beautiful foreshores that I live near.  I would sit on the bench and watch them stream by.  One step at a time, pounding along the pavement as they went.

Watching the beads of perspiration gather and run down their hot red faces there was a part of me that wished I too could run but alas there was always a reason for it not to be the case.  Then I started to hear of ways in which any Tom, Dick or Harry could become a runner.  In fact there was a whole program specifically geared at getting people off the couch and out for a run.

When I first looked into it, well over twelve months ago now, I felt inspired and certain I was up for the challenge.  After seeing the first week only involved the odd 30 second run here and there I was such failure was not an option.  After all running, or even jogging, for 30 seconds couldn't be that hard could it?

Ah yep.

It was.

I didn't even finish the first week.  The whole timing how long I walk/run was not easy and worsened by the fact I was unable to source any motivation or inspiration to drive me.  Perhaps running wasn't for me after all and I would just have to find another way to get fit.  Apparently just purchasing a gym membership isn't the right way to go about it either.

Fast forward to six weeks ago.

I am now the proud owner of a magic iDevice which enables me to download a beaut little app that will apparently ease me into 5km.  While I may not have actually made the magic 5km mark yet I no longer doubt whether I will.  I now know that it will only be a matter of time before I can proudly say I can run for a full 5km or at least thirty minutes.  Though by all accounts the two should be nearly one and the same.

At this stage I am halfway through week five.  There are a total of eight weeks in the program.  It takes a commitment of thirty minutes three times a week.  I am trying to get out there every other day.  For the most part I have managed this though due to the trials and tribulations that is children there have been a few times when it has been two or three days between runs.  One step at a time and all in good time.

Already I am feeling stronger and fitter each time I get out there.  I am genuinely excited to think in around a month I should be able to run for a full thirty minutes.  Sure there have been times when I have been left gasping for breath and wondering why I am putting myself through this but then a little voice calls out mum and I quickly remember.

I want to be a fit and healthy role model for three very special girls.  It is with that in mind that I will keep making the time to make running matter

Ten Things To Make Matter

This post originally appeared over at A Parenting Life 
Bringing it across with a bit of an edit makes it feel like a fitting first post to kick of this wonderful new venture.

Whatever it is I am doing I want to make sure it matters. I want to be more accountable for my time and the way I spend it. I want to be a positive influence and example for my children. I want my life to matter as much as it possibly can.

Now I have realised that it is not necessary for me to change the world at large to make my life matter. All I need to do is make sure that I am being the best me I can be. I know that I have mentioned this before but it is something that I constantly need to remember. I sometimes forget to remember you see.

With time I hope to create an inspiring place where change is not so scary or feared.  Instead it is encouraged and embraced. I know that the final destination is worth the journey, regardless of what the road was like.  As long as you make it in the end that is all that matters.

I don't like to put too much pressure on myself.  While I know some may say that there are worse things than failure and at least you had a go, at this still early stage of the game it is important I have as many successes as possible.  At the same time though I have realised that there are so many things that need to make the time to make matter that I can't just do one at a time.

Thankfully there are a few that can all sort of tie together though so it doesn't seem so overwhelming yet I am getting more than one thing done at a time.

So without further adieu here are ten things I need to make the time to make matter

1. Write regularly.  And by that I mean every day.  Like anything it improves with practise.  If I am going to be serious about being a famous writer I really need to put pen to paper, of fingertips to keys or something other than the current levels of procrastination and self doubt.
   
2. Being present for the children.  Making sure I disconnect from the electric world and spend time living.
   
3. Ensuring that I am well rested and suitable fueled to tackle anything the treasures might spontaneously throw at me.
   
4. Providing interesting and nutritious food on a regular basis.  It is important to be aware of what works best for our bodies and provide it that, as much as possible.  Plus since eating is a part of life it only makes sense to get the most out of it.
   
5. Leading an active life.  Getting out and about in the great outdoors and making the most of the land that surrounds us.
   
6. Remaining true to what I believe in.
   
7. Letting others know they are cared for and loved.
   
8. Being on time.  Being late is rude.  Plain and simple.  Sounds harsh I know but as someone trying to curb a terrible (and I mean give her a half hour head start kind of terrible) habit of always being excessively late I need to be harsh.  I have little to no concept of time.  Never have.  But I want to.  I don't want my girls to grow up thinking it is alright to keep people waiting for you.  All. The. TIME.
   
9. The housework.  I can't believe I got this far without mentioning the housework.  Maintaining a clean and tidy house matters more than anything.  It is the cornerstone of happiness for the modern family.
   
10. The washing.  Similar but not quite the same as the housework.  It is such a mammoth part of life it gets a point all of it's own.  (That and it's late and I am really struggling to think of anything else right now)

So there you have it.  Ten things that I will make matter not just this week, but each and every week.  What about you?